A Departure
To my readers: This post is not like the others on this site. It is not designed to make you smile. I learned recently of my ex-mother-in-law’s passing, and this is my goodbye.
When I was in North Carolina over the holidays, I received some sad news. My beloved ex-mother-in-law had passed away on January 14, 2008 — a year ago today. I didn’t even know she was ill.
I met Leni Friedman in the summer of 1992 when I was dating her son. She immediately welcomed me with open arms. She was a warm and loving soul with boundless energy. In so many ways she reminded me of an older version of myself, or at least the me that I aspired to be. In her presence, it was okay to be myself; I was not judged. I was simply loved.
Leni had had many careers in her life — following one path until boredom and inspiration suggested another direction. She was an artist and a musician. An animal lover and a birder. A daughter, a wife, a mom, and a grandmother. And most of all – she was a role model and a friend.
Towards the end of my marriage, I saw a Mothers Day card that read, “Things grow better in sunshine and light,” and I bought it to give her one day. But life had other plans.
When my marriage ended, my ex-husband feared that my bond with his family had grown so strong that they “loved me more.” So he asked that I have no contact with them as he healed. Although it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do (knowing that they wouldn’t know why I simply disappeared from their lives), I complied with his wishes.
I hoped that the pain would get better with time. But even 12 years later, I still get shaky and teary when I think back on my departure.
Leni’s passing has left a gaping hole in my heart. I always assumed that somewhere down the line enough time would have gone by that I could reach out past my embarrassment over what she might have thought of me for leaving. I held onto that Mother’s Day card because I assumed that one day I’d be able to give it to her, and thank her for opening her heart to me.
So Leni, if you can read this from where you are – I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left so abruptly. I’m sorry I was too embarrassed to come back after a few years had passed. I’m sorry I didn’t know you were sick. And I’m so, so sorry that I never got to say goodbye. You touched me indelibly – as I know you did so many others. Your life was a life well lived. I will never forget you, or how it felt to be in your presence. By your example you taught me about unconditional love, and I will carry that in my heart for the rest of my days.
To everyone reading this post, I implore you…let your loved ones know what they mean to you. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Life is short. There’s simply no time to leave things unsaid.
And to Leni — I miss you. I love you. May you rest in peace.
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